So. Today it actually happened. I knew it was going to happen eventually. During my son’s whole young life, I’ve been preparing him for just this moment.
From the time our babies are born, we are teaching them how to make their way in the world. Walking, talking, toileting; Taking the school bus, ordering their own food, finding directions and telling us how to get somewhere; Standing up for themselves confidently, fixing a mistake graciously, solving a problem independently.
We have shown them what to do and how to do it by our own example. We have watched them try to do it on their own and struggle. We have witnessed all the practice that has finally given them confidence to try on their own.
We have encouraged, prodded and even pushed them a little bit more outside of their comfort zone every step of the way, wanting them to feel empowered to make their own way. Until one day we hear those fateful words that we knew were coming all along: You can go now, Mom.
And, then you realize that the whole time you were preparing them to be able to handle this moment, you have not prepared for this moment. Yes, there have been hints: Look at me, Mom! I can do it, Mom! Bye, Mom! Still, it’s a shock when you realize that you are not needed in this moment. It hits you that from now on, they will be choosing when to come to you.
It’s hard because we fear for their safety and their well being. We want to shelter them from hurt and ensure they will always be ok. Yet, we know that life is full of hurt, of disappointment, of unexpected hardship.
And, this is hard because you are relinquishing control and you have to trust that all of those things you did to prepare them, all of your words and actions, all of your support and guidance will be with them when they are needed.
You have to trust that they are ready and prepared for this moment and that when they encounter moments they aren’t prepared for- because they will, just like we all do – that they have within them what they need to figure things out, and that they know they can always reach out to you anytime they need or want to.
By contrast, when those moments come, we will be ready. We will be there with arms wide open, a willing ear, and a grateful heart.
We will be there to listen to what they are going through, to encourage them to find their own way, to prod them to make the hard decisions and to push them forward into the action they think they need. Because that is what being a parent is all about: loving, and slowly and in stages, letting go.
May those times when they choose to come to you be frequent… but not too frequent.
